Chicago Story

June 2025, when I reached my mountain top of pure insanity. In other words, I reached the end of myself and the end of the world. Prior to this day, I went down a long rabbit hole of acquiring knowledge and power through the sources of Philosophy and Tarot. I was obsessed with finding the ‘truth’. Now knowing my Lord and savior Jesus Christ, I found the truth, but in the process I lost my life. To begin, I woke up and had an immediate thought of fate, as if today was the day I was going to take control of my destiny and something very, very spectacular was going to happen to me. In my mind, I pictured me as a superstar: I was rich, I had all the women, and I was grinning cheek to cheek, making it in the world. Little did I know, that was not even close to the reality that I was dealt. To start off, I had no money because I plundered all of my parent’s wealth and property they had given me. I decided that I was leaving ‘today’ and driving somewhere far far away…and I did. Before I left, I went to my parents house asking for money. They told me, with saddened faces, “no.” Looking back I’m sure seeing your son in the condition that I was in, must have been heartbreaking to say the least. So, since I couldn’t get any money from my parent’s, I saw them as useless and decided to go on my own journey. I went back to my place, packed up my guitar, packed up a red, metal container with all my change, and my credit card that was in the negative. I took my 2003, blue Chevy Cavalier, otherwise known as the “Blue Bomb”, and sailed away through the streets of Pittsburgh. I first stopped at a Denny’s in Ohio because I needed gas and I was hungry. I was wearing my black hoodie covered in pink paint, and some heavy camo pants, also covered in pink and green paint. To top it off, my entire head, beard, and eyebrows were shaven off, looking like a true fetus in the making. After my delicious brunch, I made it to a random city after about 6.5 hours of travel, but I had no idea where to even go. I was thinking the whole time about traveling to one of the Mid-West states, but behold! I saw a sign that read, “Chicago”, and I screamed out loud, “I’m going to Chicago baby!” (that and much more cussing of course). As I was traveling toward Chicago I was thinking I was about to be the next Kanye West. I thought I was going to go down into the city, find a record company, and show them my music and then I’d be good. Instead I was eating a family size bag of barbeque chips while listening to Tupac, punching my console to the kick drum, all while wearing my signature stained, white tank top. It took me around another 2.5 hours to make it to Chicago. I ended up parking in the main city. I strapped on my painted up guitar and ventured into the city. Before moving on, let me clarify where my mind was at, at this point. I was in the mindset of “get rich or die trying” and I was living that. I had it in my head, there was no tomorrow. Truly I believed that. So, not getting a deal or a successful opportunity was not an option for me. Knowing this, I knew I had to find someone who knew where there was a recording studio open tonight. I went around the city talking to random strangers until I could find someone that could give me what I needed. Then, I met this man, I never got his real name, but I remember his rap name being fourfiddy or fourfifty (I might be completely wrong here). So, I explained my situation to fourfifty and I was very transparent with him in where I was at and what I needed. After our conversation, he gave me his number, his studio location, and a time to meet for that night. And in that very moment, I screamed in my head, “I MADE IT BABY!!!!” I went back to my car and chilled out for awhile because I thought I was so dope and my music was so dope that all I needed was to get into the studio room and I would have been good. I already thought I made it. As nighttime hit, I left my car, still in the city, and I went into this random alley. I pulled out my guitar and sat on the ground, strumming away. Then, two aggressive homeless men approached me, yelling in a foreign language. I talked back to them in a very soft tone, “I don’t understand what you are saying.” Then, something I will never forget, was the man’s face. He looked at me and his expression said, “I am looking at a demon.” And he was right, I was not alive at this point. He then left me alone and I got up and went back to my car. The clock struck, it was almost time for me to show them what I got. I parked a little outside of the main city at a nearby Walgreens. I walked down to the studio and knocked on the door. I was introduced by a bald man who said, “Who are you?” I said back, “My name’s Matthew, I’m looking for fourfifty, he told me to come by and that he’ll be here.” The man then replied, “Oh, ok, I’ll let him know you’re here.” Then he walked away. About 5 minutes went by and he never came back down. At first I thought it was weird, but I didn’t think anything too much of it. A small amount of time passed by and this group showed up and I asked them the same question, “Hey, you guys know fourfifty he told me to come by and I was seeing if he was here.” One of the lady’s of the group replied, “Oh for sure, we’ll go ask and we’ll come back down and let you know.” Then I waited and waited…and waited some more. They never came back down. So now, I’m thinking, oh ok, something’s up. Another group arrived and once again I asked the same question. They gave me a similar response…and never came back down. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I called fourfifty and I was sent to voicemail. I tried again. Sent to voicemail, again. I reached out through text, asking, where he was at. He replied with something like, “I had a family emergency I can’t come by tonight, sorry about that.” Now, any normal person at this point would have responded with something like, “Oh no problem, that’s all good, maybe we can try another night, sorry to hear about your family, I hope they do well.” I did not say that. Remember, I didn’t have a tomorrow or at least that’s what I thought. I went down the route of cussing him out because I thought he was lying about the family emergency and that he just didn’t want me in. He then replied with many threats. Then I went back to my car feeling like I failed. All of a sudden, something took over me saying, not to give up now. I power walked back and started banging on the front door yelling, “fourfifty!” Then, for the next half hour to an hour, I proceeded to scream out loud into the open window, speaking many forms of cuss words at him, his friends, all the artists in the room, all their families, and anyone else I could have thought of in the moment. After awhile of me yelling, fourfifty pulled up in a black-tinted car with his friend driving. He then stood less than a foot away from my face. I can’t remember anything we said to each other, except one sentence I said to him, “I’m already dead.” This was true, I had no soul. For reference, I always carried a candle with me because I would be too anxious when playing music in front of people. I would light a candle to ease my anxiety, it was my form of calming myself. So, after our face-to-face, I backed up into this square potted plant, and my candle shattered in my bag. As this happened I felt my entire being shatter with the candle. I sat down, with my back against the pot, gazing up in to the starry sky. I felt complete peace. And I mean unworldly peace. A peace where I thought, I am dead. I felt lighter than a feather. I decided to pull out my guitar and play while staring up in to the night’s sky. As I was playing, the people in the studio finished up and came outside. They started cussing my out, calling me crazy and whatnot. They weren’t wrong, but I didn’t care. I just didn’t care anymore. When everybody left, I got back up and headed back to my car. FYI, yes, they did have a camera on me the entire time. Then, my instincts kicked in and my first thought was, “I have to get out of Chicago right now.” I did exactly that and drove outside of the city and parked at a random gas station in what looked like the middle of nowhere. At this point it was 3-4am and I had nothing left in me. I hopped in my backseat and played my last song, I don’t remember the name, but it was truly miserable. I was a dead man in my car, but out of nowhere, God spoke to me. He said, “Call 9-1-1.” I then did just that. When a cop answered the phone, I said straight away, “Hey can you please just talk to me like a regular person, not as an officer, not as anyone else, but just as a person?” And he replied, “Yeah, of course.” This man spoke to me for the next 15 minutes like he was my bestfriend. This man was an angel sent by God to rescue me in that very moment. He led me to reach out to my parents. I told them I was in Chicago and I had no money and I had nothing else. I was saying sorry over and over again on the phone. My mom was able to put money on the credit card I had. I then bought an energy drink and immediately drove back home. The drive back was 8.5 hours long, starting from Chicago, ending in Pittsburgh. During this ride, I had to stop at many gas stations, and I remember every time I stopped at one, I looked around and saw floating orbs all around me. These were orbs I’ve never seen ever before, but they were so clear to me during my ride back. I felt like I was on the horizon line of life and death. Later on, at one of the gas station’s my credit card declined. I then resorted to using the spare change I had left. I remember throwing some change on this counter top and this old lady told me in a mean tone, “You count that, I’m not counting that.” So I spent what felt like an eternity counting change in front of this lady. My mind was gone at this point. I was so close to home. Only a couple of hours away. I made it into Ohio, but at this point, I had no more energy left. My body and soul collapsed and I called my family to please come and get me. I was not able to drive any more so I parked along side the road. Then, my soul repented. I started crying out loud, “WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING?” “I’M SORRY!” “I’M SO SORRY!” I repeated these words, while competing for the world record for the ugliest human cry for 30 minutes. Therefore, after was felt like an eternity: my mom, my dad, and my sister all showed up to get me. They picked me up and took me home. Now, I could get into the recovery of it all and the evil I continued to do afterwards, but that’s another story for another time. I first and foremost apologize to all the people up in Chicago that was part of that. I truly am sorry for my actions. I thank my savior Jesus Christ, he is my bestfriend, he is my king, he rose from the grave and gave up his life for mine and yours. He is my all in all. All praises and glory go to God the Father, God the Son, and God the spirit. In Jesus Christ name, we pray, Amen.